Sunday, July 10, 2011

Drunk Diary
Summerfest: Kid Cudi/ Kanye West Concert
Thursday June 30, 2011

        Ughhh…I’m hungover yo. It’s Thursday morning and I’m chillin hard at my desk. Trying to keep my eyes open and head off the desk. The unproductively is through the roof, due to opening day at Summerfest last night. Went to bed at 2ish, had to wake up at 5:30. I’m in the car with my dad and I am still drunk. When I am in the office, I am still drunk. I keep saying to myself, “Please don’t throw up on your keyboard.” I seriously can’t keep my eyes open, and I can’t help but fall asleep. I am in and out of consciousness and I know I have to do something about this. Ding (light bulb above my head). I got an idea. One word…two syllables - Carnaps. I go to my manager and tell him that I have a meeting with some guy up in Industrial Controls. I throw on an ‘away at a meeting’ status up on my SameTime (Rockwell Automation’s version of AIM) and head to my dad’s car. I crawl into the backseat, use a pair of shoes as a pillow, set my alarm for an hour and a half later, and dose off. Wow- best decision 2011….furrrrr surrrree. I get out of the car and head back to work making sure I’m not rockin any bed head. I stop at the Bridge Market and pick up some Alka Seltzer Plus for my unsettling stomach. Head back to work and do more unproductive activities… stumbleupon…facebook… (I’m so fucking up-to-date on my current events).

        Lunch rolls around. Of course I’m going to take an hour lunch today, even though I really don’t feel like eating, I do what I want. I eat with my intern bros in the cafeteria, we share stories about last night’s Summerfest adventures, and I tell them I am headed for another carnap. Round 2. Head to my pop’s car and crawl in the backseat again to recover more. I wake up and head back to work. Wow…I feel like a piece of shit, but I lovvve to shleeepp. The rest of the day I knew I wasn’t going to get anything done, so all I did was write a drunk diary for my Buffet weekend. Once I was in the midst of writing that, my day started to turn around. I was getting stoked for tonight’s Sfest adventures. Vaughan had invited me, Sisler, and Tarrence aka Mista Clarence to the Kid Cudi and Kanye West concert. OFYB! (Which stands for: Oh Fuck Ya Bro…for those of you who don’t wear snapbacks or chill tees) Kyle has the tickets and he said they would be to Summerfest at around 7:00pm. Well Rockwell is less than a mile away from Summerfest, so I decided to stay at work until 6:30ish and then meet them at the grounds. It was about 5:15 and there were very few people in the office. 5:30 rolls around and I am the only one in the office. Frump yes. I walk around checking every cubicle and office and there are no signs of life. I bust out a water bottle of vodka and head on over to the fridge and grab a soda. I do what Tech n9ne would do and grab a Mt. Dew, because “Vodka and Mt. Dew is the new shit” – (Like Yeah lyrics bitch). I head on over to my desk, crank up some ‘Kid Cudi’ Pandora jams, make myself a Abomb mixer (which is one strong ass mixer), and continue typing my Buffet diary. Great Thursday evening.

        I polish off three mixers, and finish my diary. I look at the clock and I am running out of time. I grab my change of clothes, sprint across Rockwell to the locker room (which is honestly a quarter of a mile), hop in the shower and throw my clothes on. I shut my computer down, throw it in my desk, lock that shit up, swallow the key, and start sprinting to Summerfest with a bottle of booze flapping against my junk. I’m sprinting and it’s hot and humid. When I stop to cross the street, I feel myself pittin out and rockin’ some nice back sweat. Well this is great. I’m gonna show up to the concert sweating like I’m Mike Tyson at a spelling bee. I’m almost there when I get a drunk call from Vaughan, “Oh my godddd duuudeeee…where the fuckkk areee youuu???”
Chill out Vaughan. I meet up with them, and we walk to the Amphitheater entrance.
    I start asking them, “So what do we have to get us fucked up??”

    Sisler – “We got 3 waterbottles and 3 J’s.”

Heavens to betsy… it’s gonna be a gooood night. I’m asking Sisler if he notices my water bottle.

    Sisler – “Dude, you’re looking pretty buldgy my friend.”

        Ahhh fuck these banana trees, I need to get this shit in. I try to conceal it more but its looking borderline sketch-tastic. We get to the entrance and the line is super fucking long. Mista Clarence and I go and cut the line, while Sisler and Vaughan cut a different line. After a minute or so, I’m looking around and I notice they have Title 9’ed the shit out of this place and had two separate lines going…one for women and one for men. Well….drunk Vaughan and Sisler are in the ladies line, just clueless as to what is going on. I’m trying to send a text message to them, but there was so much cell phone interference it is frumpin impossible to send a message. They get to the front of the line, look like retards, and then switch lines. There were a couple of guys in front of Tarrence and me just making fun of them the whole time. Alright, only a couple people to go before I get in. Fuckin’ game time. ‘Sir…you have to take everything out of your pockets.’ Not now chief, I’m in the FUCKin zone! Boom roasted. I play it smooth, look like I’m not a terrorist or a high schooler trying to sneak in a half water bottle of Skol for me and my 12 other friends, and slip on past security. Boom roasted. Sisler and Vaughan go into the concert and I go to the concession stand to get some chaser. Tarrence gets a triple cheeseburger from the Wendy’s stand. I snag four chasers, meet up with Tarrence and head into the concert. I’m looking at my ticket…Row P…Section 2. Look up at the map of the Amphitheater and realize we are dead center front, and row P is the 16th row. Wowzas I almost creamed my pants.

        We get down to our seats, Cudi is already playing, and we have most of the row to ourselves. We are pretty visible to the security guards and we aren’t sure if they are going to care if we are pouring mixers and smoking doobie snacks. Fuck it, lets find out. We’re pouring mixers on mixers on mixers and start drinking. Tarrence looks at me, “Dood, would you like a bite of ma burgur?”
By the beard of Zeus! I thought you’d never ask. O my lanta I can taste that fuckin meat in my mouth right now. No homo.

        Cudi is playing some Pursuit of Happiness and all of us have so much energy just dancing, singing, and yelling. Straight ballers. Cudi tells his DJ to drop the next song but then stops it right away.
‘Hold on, hold on, hold on…Before we start this next one, I gotta know…where are all my weed smokas at?’

    All of us - ‘AHHH!!!!THATS US! RIGHT HERE! I RIP!!! OVER HERE!!! WOOO!!!’

        It looks like it’s time. (Tfreddy…you know when it’s time) Sisler snags a J-bone out of his pouch and sparks it up. We pass it around once and then Sisler gets a tap on his shoulder. Ahh shit… I’m afraid to turn around and look into the eyes of a 6’4’’ security guard. I put my game face on, and slowly turn around. Why it’s not Rambo coming to grab us by our testicles and throw us out…no, it’s a 45 year-old lady who just wants a rip. Sisler enthusiastically passes it to the hippie, takes another hit and then passes it to me. Sisler quietly whispers, “Duude…that mom totally nigger lipped the shit out of our joint.”

        I almost spit the J out I was laughing so hard along with Sisler and his signature laugh.
After that, about 4 other people asked if they could get a hit out of the joint. What is this? Some type of public free-for-all doobie? Get the Corn out ma FACE!!! Even some high-school couple came down like 5 minutes after we were clearly done with the joint and asked us if they could get a hit. “Fur sure bro, ya we finished it a while ago, so…”

        Cudi plays some dope ass songs but he didn’t play very long at all. I know he played: Erase me, Marijuana, Pursuit of Happiness, The Mood… I feel like I am forgetting something but he didn’t play very long. The concert in Madison was way doper. Cudi tells us that next up is mista Kanye West. Now I love Kanye West, but lately I’ve steered away from him. I listened to his Late Registration and Graduation album over and over and I know absolutely everyone of those songs on those albums. But when he got all robotronic, T-pain, Autotune bullshit, like that 80’s & Heartbreak album, I was really upset with him. I never heard before that Kanye was a great live musician. People started piling into the Amphitheatre and everyone we turned to said that Kanye was unbelievable live. Well this should be fucking awesome… I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular but, hey I’m down like a clown Charlie br... down like a clown Charlie babrrrraaaaa…..down like a clown charlie braaabrraaa..baaaa….down like a clown brroownn.
(if you don’t know why I did that right there, check out this link: you will understand what I’m talking about…dammit I hate trying to make everyone understand my puns).

        There is an hour or so gap between Cudi and Kanye. So what do we do? Fucking pound mixers like it’s our day job, and I’m starting to get a little tipsy. Tarrence turns to me and says, “Dood, that joint was justa little one, we still got two big ones left…hahehheeehee” Tarrence and his South African geek-out laugh. Ahh I’m so excited for this fucking concert!!

        All of a sudden, the lights go dim, the backdrop curtain rises, the lights shine and a bunch of dancers come out on stage. These chicks were all really hot and had basically nothing on. They had their backs facing the crowd and you just looked up at the stage and just saw 30 asses. Ok Kanye…I like your style broski. The intro drops, everyone starts yelling and screaming, the dancers were going all fucking crazy, but there was no Kanye. After like 30sec of trying to figure out where he was, I hear his voice. Everyone turns their heads and looks up in the middle of the crowd. The main beat drops, Kanye starts rappin, “I’m livin in that 21st century, doin something mean to it, do it betta then anybody eva seen do it, screams from the haters, gotta nice ring to it, I guess every supa hero need his theme music!” I’m jumpin up and down… “No one man should have all that POWWERR!!!” Just going crazy. People are flippin shit, there’s arms flailing everywhere, there is so much energy in the crowd.

        Sisler turns to me and grabs another joint… should we do it?? Does a bear shit in the woods? Does a one-legged dog swim in a circle?? Fuck ya! Spark that shit up sissy-mayne. Right as we are sparking that shit up, we hear, “Bum, bum, bum, bum, BA, bum bum” Kanye is playing Jesus Walks!!?? Sweet grandmother’s spatula! Ahh I’m going HAM right now. We’re drinking and smoking, just raging along with Kanye West. Mista Clarence says, “Hey doods, should I get sum beers?”

You read my mind Mista Clarence.

        We were just hammered drinking up a storm, smoking up a storm, just being belligerent. Sisler yells at this knob-shine bender of a security guard… “Hey bro, how much do you get paid to do this shit?” He says something, I forget, but we were just being assholes to the kid. The whole night I kept on pointing at him and nodding my head just lip singing to him. Just making real suggestive dance moves towards him. I had an aisle seat so I was making it real awkward and creepy for this kid. There was a black couple in the next section across the aisle just lovin’ every minute of me messing with this kid. The lady said she almost pissed her pants watching me do this. I didn’t intentionally do it, but I was just in the moment, in the song, wasted, and it just came to me. Lol.

        The concert keeps getting blurrier and blurrier because I kept on drinking…and drinking. I remember it being like halfway through Kanye’s concert just yelling at everyone, “I’m the perfect drunk right now!!!” I loved every minute of that concert, it was so fun. Kanye had this unbelievable light show, and at one point there was just a shower of sparks raining from the ceiling. I was in such awe that I just held my phone above my head, started yelling, and kept taking pictures…just “AHHHHHH!!!!! snap. snap AHHHH snap. snap. snap. AHHHHHH!!! snap. snap.” I looked at my phone the next day and had 20 pictures that were basically the same.

        We polish off the first round of beers and I tell Terrance…more, more, more. He says, “Dood, I don’t have any muney.” I look in my wallet, pull out a 20 and give it to him. I look him dead in the eyes…buy beer, as much as you can with this. He comes back with another round of plastic bottled Miller Lite. Ahh that sweet ice cold nectar hitting the back of your throat on a humid night when you’re dehydrated and thirsty… couldn’t ask for anything else. I polish off mine real fast, and the rest of somebody else’s. Time to spark up the last joint? OFYB! Right as we spark it I hear Good Life off of his Graduation album. We are passing it around, I have the joint in my mouth just dancing and nodding to my head as Kanye is in the background, “the good life, it feel like Atlanta, it feel like LA, it feel like Miami, it feel like NY…summertime Chi…AHH. Now throw your hands up in the sky!!!” Lights flashing before my eyes, Kanye goin crazy on stage, joint in my mouth, hands in the air, together with my bros… it was just so fucking awesome! This is AWEsome, the is AWEsome, I lOVe soccer.

        The joint is probably 80% of the way through when a cute girl about our age comes up to us and asks Sisler for a hit.

    Sisler- “You wanna hit??” puff. Puff. “Show us your tits”
    Girl – “I mean I don’t know…”
    Sisler – puff. puff. “I know you wanna hit….show us your tits.”
I was geeking out sitting there. I was drunk just laughing my ass off.
    Girl- “Well…I mean..”
    Sisler-“Show us your tits…” puff. puff.

        He kept taunting her by acting like he was about to pass it to her, as she reached out he would pull it back, take a couple puffs and say… “Show us your tits.”

        After doing this for like 5 straight minutes, the joint was basically a roach. Sisler passes it to her, and as she’s taking a hit, this big black security guard grabs her and takes her away. Sisler and I started geeking out so hard! We literally were laughing for a solid minute. I kept saying, “Take the hit…then take the blame.” Oh my lanta that was too funny.

Check out this video I took (have no recollection of). It’s funny to see everyone’s drunk/baked faces. Just watch it…it’s pretty funny. I taped it when I was drunk so don't be judging my photography skills.

        We got another round of beers, and were pounding them. We had pulled off the perfect amount of booze. Don’t you hate when you go to a concert, or Summerfest, or some place else and you didn’t bring enough booze or enough weed? Well we brought the perfect amount to have us sippin and puffing allll night.

        Kanye ended the concert with Hey Mama off of his Late Registration album which is a heart-touching song. If you’ve never heard it, it’s basically about how rough his mom had it trying to make ends meet for Kanye when he was a kid and how he is so proud of her for doing everything she could for him, and that he was going to make sure to pay her back.

        The concert ended and I was out-of-my-mind drunk and oblivious. So was everyone else lol. There was a mad dash and a herd of people leaving Summerfest. We kept thinking…shit! We gotta get the fuck out of here! Little did we know, Summerfest didn’t end for another hour, but none of us retards thought to look at the time. We start pushing our way through the crowd and all of a sudden we run into Mr. and Mrs. Vaughan. Fuck ya! Woo! We get on a bus with them, and I pass the fuck out on the bus. Wake up, have no idea where we are, get in the car… pass out. Kyle said Mr. Vaughan was loving me, and Mrs. Vaughan was wondering how I got so drunk. I was drunk, but I was even more tired. And I have to get up at 5:30am tomorrow morning for work. Apparently Mrs. Vaughan asked me if I had called my mom or not, and I said, “I justweabawa…” and didn’t say anything else and fell back asleep. We get to Vaughans, go downstairs and I fell face first on the couch and was out like a fat kid playing dodgeball. Tarrence and Vaughan made a za…classic and had to eat it all. I woke up at 5:30am to my alarm clock on my phone going off. I look at my text messages, one from my mom at 3:00am, “Where are you?” Ooooo boy hopefully this isn’t bad. My mom is a worrier and she probably would call a fucking amber alert on me. I call her and she said she had to call the Vaughan’s house phone at 3:30am…woops. Ma baaadddd. She said she would come and pick me up. As I stumbled upstairs, I looked in the fridge, grabbed a cold piece of pizza and a Capri-sun and was technically ‘drunk munching’ because I was still drunk as a skunk. My head hurts, my eyes are saggin real low, I have very few working brain cells, and somehow I have to make it to Milwaukee and go to work. My mom picked me up, and I just though…well this workday should be interesting…

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